From A to B

Good morning friends!  Actually this should be from A-Z because I have a lot of ground to cover.  Where to begin…

I guess it could begin with a slimmed down version of what has been going on lately with my body.  You see, we are at war.  When I look back, I think we have always been at war.  I would never pick my body and I do to be on the same team for anything as teamwork is not in our nature.

It started a few weeks ago with itchy hands and feet.  This doesn’t sound that bad, but trust me, it was.  We are talking non-stop, swollen, blisters, I went to the Doctors and the battery of tests began.  Ruled out some things, opened the doors for others.  Some more Dr visits, some tests and we ended up with some inflamed , infected, intestines; some ulcers, and Chron’s.  

When I heard this, I was quite happy, because cancer was on the table.  I had been warned that some tests showed some growth and that it was a possibility that this could be happening.

I wish I could say I took this with grace, and optimism, but I didn’t.  I decided to cover it up with “logical thinking” but I couldn’t help but wonder in a worse case scenario, what I would do.  It wasn’t me I was really concerned about, but rather my children.  Girl1 and Boy are with me full time, but Girl2 isn’t.  I thought of what would happen to them if I was gone.  Would they still be together?  Would they grow up together?  Was there the potential that I wouldn’t be there for them?

This led to a lot of bad thinking, and a lot of sad.  I can remember a time when I could list death as my biggest fear, but I can easily say now that my death would not fear me as much as leaving them would.

It got a bit deeper than that, but that is the gist.  Am I happy to have more restrictions?  Not really, however, I am finally going to do what I should have done years ago and actually take care of myself in a fashion that will stop making me sick.  No more hidden gluten, or I don’t care gluten.  I am going to learn what I can and can’t do and actually follow it.  It takes a scare sometimes to make us realize that it isn’t just ourselves we could be hurting.

So, not cancer, yay!

 

My lovely DM will also be coming over Saturday with some new people to fold into our flock.  We are going to start playing again, though I am sure her time will be limited by things like her upcoming wedding!  I am going to learn as much as I can from her so I can start another group here with some of the kid’s friends so we can get a little more playing in.  My lovely DM is so good at it, and I am sure I will struggle through it (maybe painfully), but I think I can do it.  I have some reading and prepping to do, but I have some pretty solid faith that I can get it done.  

Find the silver lining.  It is always there.  As one of my favorite movies would say, “Excelsior!”  I am not apologizing on behalf of Ernest Hemingway either.