So here we are friends, on the cusp of the 20 baker’s dozen. I usually like to take some time and reflect a bit internally on the past 12 months. What a crazy and phenomenal year 2012 was. It had its downs, as everything does, but overall I am so happy with how 2012 went. I think I went over that in my last post so instead I think I will just ramble for a bit and see where this goes.
I am not making a resolution. I think that resolutions are a way to set yourself up for failure. I don’t know if I know anyone who has kept their resolution, unless it was like “do the same exact thing I am currently doing for the next 12 months”. So instead of picking one thing to fail at, I am going to adopt a do something different each month rule. I will pick something and then for the next 30,31, or 28 (damn you February!) attempt to do that thing. I have mine for January already picked out:
January Quest (that’s right, I am calling it a quest. I don’t complete resolutions, but years of gaming taught me to finish the quests!) – Read a book in a genre I wouldn’t normally read. I tend to stick to chick fiction (not like fluffy chick lit, but like The Help, or The Kitchen House) and I think I will read a book I have on my shelf “Never Let Me Go” by Kazuo Ishiguro. It is sci-fi, and I haven’t read much in the way of that, so it’s a good start. If you have any suggestions of books, please let me know! If I finish this one quickly, I may bump it up to two books, but again – not setting myself up for failure.
I actually have February’s planned out as well. February will be stepping out of my home country for the first time. Trip is booked and since I leave on February 28th, I am counting it as February’s! I am super nervous that something will come up that will stop me, like me forgetting to do something, but I assume that is normal since FFAC always seemed to be nervous before coming as well. I am doing some research to try and not mess anything up!
Here are some things that will not end up on my list because I fail at them every year…
- Lose weight (Every. Fricken. Year)
- Be nicer to people
- Organize better (I am starting to think not organizing is an art form all in itself)
- Not hide under tables when Girl1, Boy, or Girl2 are yelling my name. Loudly
- Exercise more (can fit in with lose weight, but really, sometimes it is just exercise more)
- Learn to hip hop dance
- Stop watching Friends reruns and wishing I wrote the lobster thing
- Learn a new language that does not involve just knowing the dirty words
- Eat healthier (see exercise more and losing weight)
- Remember the correct child’s name when I am yelling at them
I am sure by this point you are probably wondering how cages fits into here. To that, I say “Good Question!” This whole post was supposed to be something different, but when I came back I realized that train of inspiration had left me. So I decided to start fresh. I know it had something to do with discovering yourself next year. So do it. I’ve spent a lot of time on a lot of people, but I can honestly say (as a mother and a woman) that I haven’t spent enough time on just myself. I sat in my own self-imposed cage and within the last year realized that the only reason I was still in there was because I never opened the cage. I only thought it was locked, but it was unlocked the entire time.
I remember sitting there, looking at the door and just feeling that excitement, that need to push against the door. You expect to feel the tension, the door to stay shut, but it wasn’t the case. It easily came open. I stepped out, just slightly, and then a little more, and a little more. I honestly feel I am better for it. I feel I am a better person, a better mother, a better friend, because I am taking care of me in the process. I know how you feel, friend. I still sneak into the cage at night, not wanting to get caught outside yet. Together we can do it. We can blow the door off its hinges so we never have to go back in. Open your cage and join me. As that deep bastard Ludacris said,
“Any day can work if you’re working with people saying you don’t deserve it then don’t give in
Cause hate may win some battles but love wins in the end”
Deep, right? Ok, maybe that one isn’t so deep, and maybe I shouldn’t be looking at someone who names their album “Chicken -n- Beer” as my personal guru, but whatevs. He really does say some great things though. The whole point of this is that you are beautiful. You are smart. You are worth it. So am I, and it never mattered more to hear then when I said it to myself and believed it. Open your cage and come with me. Let the 20 baker’s dozen be even better than the 20 dozen. Let’s go on many adventures, laugh hard and love often. Let’s drink lots of coffee and tea, have cookies, and read. I can’t wait to spend it with you.