This morning I ate a small bag of Ruffles and pepperoni and cheese. It was pretty amazing because I really haven’t been eating a lot the last few days so I was really proud of my efforts. It’s hard for me to eat when I am upset about something, and let’s face it, it’s usually hard for me to eat in general. I do very well pretty much everyday, but like with anything that is bad for you, it always lays dormant waiting for you to leave an opening. Somewhere in my brain I will always associate skipping meals as a really good thing, a positive thing, so it’s hard to congratulate myself while telling myself I am an idiot at the same time.
I’m not going to tell the story about why I am upset, because it really isn’t just my story to tell, and honestly, I don’t want to tell it. Everyday gets easier as I run through the gambit of emotions. I have felt better each day, which is how we got to Ruffles and pepperoni this morning. Oh, and cheese. Progress, people.
I will share the end result. Over the course of the last 5 days, I’ve felt betrayed, used, abandoned, judged, lied to, labeled, lost two friends and something that took up mostly every Saturday for almost a year. It’s been a crazy ride for the last 5 days. I’ve been devastated, relieved, angry, and contemplative. Here is what I have learned:
People, including myself, can be absolute idiots. It comes with the being human territory, and just as at times we can be absolute geniuses, we can also have absolute moments of stupidity. Being backed into a corner can make us do really stupid things.
You cannot be mad at others because they didn’t do what you wanted them to do. Well, you can, but in the end it doesn’t matter because they will still make their own choices and you will have absolutely no say in it.
You cannot be mad at others for making bad decisions. Remember, you probably make bad decisions all the time, and you probably didn’t listen to anyone either.
You have to accept that sometimes you may value someone more than they value you. It’s a hard acceptance, but a true one.
People lie. Sometimes you won’t understand the why behind it, but you just need to understand that it happens.
Fear is a bitch. Fear can stop us from getting into trouble, but it can also absolutely stop us from obtaining something wonderful. It’s okay to be scared. Everyone at some point in their life has been scared. It is not okay to let fear dictate your life.
Sometimes people we surround ourselves with are not the best people for us to surround ourselves with. The people we choose to let into ourselves should embrace and inspire. The should fill you with love and allow you to fill them with love. When that doesn’t happen, you probably aren’t surrounding yourself with the right people. All relationships should be give and take. Sadly, it doesn’t usually work out that way, but that doesn’t mean to give up before you find it.
Violence is really never an answer. It just isn’t for me. I really can’t think of one situation where violence has made it better. It may feel good at the time, but never forget it is very bad. It kinda breaks my heart when I hear about it.
I am and will be fine. It’s what I do, the consummate cheerleader. It’s been a rough week, but it is what it is. I accept that there will be good days, and bad days, good months, bad months. Hell, I have had bad years. Yet, at the end, I know I always have so many things to be grateful for; children who I find amazing; a job that isn’t horrible; friends that love me, even when I make bad choices. The world is still good, and though I haven’t felt much like unicorns and mermaids, I could solidly go with a mini-pony. They are quite cute.
I will leave you with a most amazing quote from a movie I have a soft spot for:
“Be excellent to each other”