Oh friends, it has been a bit, as I do, but I have been thinking about you and me and us and everything. I don’t want to bore you with mundane things, and I promised myself that this would not be a place where I would go if I was melancholy. I had a livejournal once for that.
I post a lot about what I think are my life’s journeys, or secrets, or things I may have learned along the way. This will be one of those times.
Happiness seems to be the universal things that we strive for, but somehow seems to be so evasive. It’s the carrot on the end of the stick, always there, staring at us in the face, but sometimes it seems to just always be ahead. We do things that we think may make us happy, like go shopping, or eat, or not eat, or drink, or whatever else may be in that place for us. It works, usually for a moment or two, and then we see that carrot is not gone. It’s still ahead, taunting us, telling us that it is just a few more steps ahead.
Happiness comes in so many things. I know, for me, they are things that have been there all along, but I didn’t know what I had, or that it was all I needed. I also know that I was afraid to be happy, because what I would need to be happy, to allow myself to be happy, may not be what the world would think. It could be something that other people may not be happy with.
FFAC has been here for the last couple of weeks. I was supposed to go to NZ, but things made that semi-impossible,so he came here. I am of an opinion that things happen for a reason, and this was no exception. He, on a weeks notice, bought a ticket and came here to spend time with me and mine. Usually, when these trips happen, my brain automagically starts coming up with the countdown of when it will end. I put myself into the depressed bubble while it happens, each day becoming blacker until I can’t even enjoy the time that I do have. I didn’t do that this time. I refused. I wanted to enjoy each day, accept it for what it was, and now that he left yesterday, I will deal with the feelings that come with it. It was the best trip ever. It wasn’t filled with a lot of activity; I even had to work for a few days, but it was still the best ever. I allowed myself to be happy; to just be happy and enjoy what I had in front of me instead of chasing the carrot.
I thought a lot about happiness during that time frame, and how it equates to different people. How my happiness was sitting on the giant Yogibo with FFAC and the kids playing Mario 3D world, or how it was just spending time. My girl K, I saw her’s through text messages and stories, communication and giant smiles. I realized how lucky I was to be surrounded by some of the most amazing people, right here in my own home, and learned to just be happy, no matter what people may think, or say, or be angry.
Point is, dearest friends, no one else is living my life except for me, just as you have yours. If you find something that makes you soul crushingly happy, take it. Take it and be happy. Enjoy the moments without worrying about the future ones. There will be good times, and bad times, low and high points, but no one else is responsible for getting you the carrot and in some cases, you realize the carrot wouldn’t make you happy anyways.
On a gaming note, I will be heading up a D&D game soon. It will be my first time DM’ing and I am pretty excited! I can’t wait to fill you in on all of those adventures as well!
Be happy, lovies. You are worth it.