Ode to Friends

Oh friends, what a weekend.  Being sick was not very enjoyable, though the worst seems to be over at this point.  Things do have a way of creeping in and lingering, and I hope that this isn’t the case for me.  This post, however, is not about me.

Friends are amazing.  It really doesn’t get more simple than that.  In some cases, friends become even more than just friends, they become part of our souls.  If you are really lucky in life, you can find someone who can do that for you.  My best friend saved my life once, though she didn’t realize that she was doing it at the time.  It wasn’t the conventional life saving, like giving me CPR, but it saved my life nonetheless.   

When I was 16, I started dating someone.  He seemed great at first (don’t they all), and he had a car (awesome!), and I really liked his eyes.  We dated for a while, and as all relationships do, they change over time.  I used to have a lot of friends that I was very active with, and they would always ask me to do things with them, but he didn’t like them.  Eventually, I stopped agreeing to do things with them and over time they stopped asking.  My life became his and he would pick me up from school every day (he was 18 and out of school), bring me to work, pick me up, be at my house.  If I had clothes he didn’t like, he would take them.  Slowly, I just became trapped.

He wasn’t trapped.  He would still hang out with his friends, and I would have to sit at home while he did this.  There was a truly awful thing that happened when I was 16, that I won’t get into here, because that baggage still belongs to me.  Sorry, friends, but some things I have to keep to myself.  

My girl K entered my life when I was closer to 17.  It was a very strange meeting, though we had gone to the same schools since 7 grade.  I was skipping first period (it was pottery, and I am not an artist, but they told me I had to take the class), and went out to smoke and there she was.  No one else was around, and we formed this friendship that was totally just based off of first period.  I would see her walk by the class, and I would slip out, and we would converse about things like snack cakes.  I ended up leaving the school that year, and went to a different school the next year.  We didn’t exchange numbers, or hang out, but the year after she ended up at my school.  I remember the first day, when I saw her, and I went running at her and attacking her with a hug.

She thought I was a maniac.

Over that year, our friendship progressed to more than first period.  She gave me the courage to tell him that I was going to spend a night out with my friends.  I did go out, and it was the most freeing experience I had in two years.  She started coming over and he would glare at her.  Unlike other people, she didn’t stop coming over.  She asked me to do things with her.  When I said I couldn’t, she would challenge me until I finally began to understand that I could go out.

He was not pleased.  He started telling me he would kill himself if I went out.  I doubted my actions, but then one day I asked him what kind of flowers he wanted at his funeral.  Harsh, I know, but I was really beginning to have some faith in myself.  He started following us when we went out.  Every time we would go out, he would pull up on the side of the road, starting a fight with me.  She still didn’t give up on asking me to do things.  

Now we can get to how she saved my life.  I used to complain about him a lot and she would always give me the same advice.  I was like most people and didn’t take the advice given to me, but I would continue to complain.  She looked at me one day and just simply said, “You aren’t allowed to talk to me about him anymore.  You complain about the same things, but you don’t actually do anything about it.”  I am sure it was probably hard to do, and at first I didn’t know what to make of it.  She forced me to really look inside,   Suddenly, without an outlet, I was left with my reality.  She didn’t stop talking to me, or doing things with me, just complaints about my entirely unhealthy relationship was off the table.

I did try to break up with him once, and he in turned started to strangle me.  K gave me a place to stay, a new apartment she was getting with another friend.  I quit my jobs (yes, I had 2), didn’t tell my family, and just kinda dropped off the face of the earth for a few months.  He got the hint, and I didn’t see him again, except for once years later.  He was standing behind me at McDonalds and I could feel his eyes burning a hole in my back.  I was terrified and left, but really, I think I was around 22, and years had passed.

We had a period of not talking, K and I, for about 4 years.  We had a falling out over something I can’t even remember, and I am sure it was stupid and totally not worth the 4 years that we weren’t talking.  Then something amazing happened one day.  I went to my moms and she told me K had called the house looking for me.  She gave me her number and I gave her a call back.  We made plans and I went over her house, bringing Girl 1 and the Boy, who she also hadn’t seen in 4 years.  It really was as if we had never stopped talking, that was the bond we had.

Now, she is here with me again, and has been here helping me through one of the roughest periods I have gone through.  She took my car to work yesterday, and when she got out it wouldn’t start.  I am horrible with these things, absolutely horrible.  She is as well, but she knew I would be freaking out more, so she stayed calm to help me through my breakdown.  Not all of our stories are so deep. There have been some really ridiculous adventures and stories we have had and have shared.  I am pretty sure that people ship us, though that part of our relationship doesn’t exist (though we did have a period of time renting videos at Blockbuster that had a lot of Lesbian/Gay pairings.  I can see how people may have thought it).

Sometimes, if you are lucky, you will find that person.  You will find your soul all entwined within someone else.  They will balance you and compliment you without maybe even being aware that they are doing it.  They will be someone who will take you on your worst days and stand on that ledge with you, making sure you don’t jump.  Sure, I know we have our moments where she wants to throttle me, and likewise, but it’s out of love.  She will brave Wal-Mart with me, even though that place is full of Satan.  I really can’t count the ways and tell the vast amount of stories that we have had in our lifetime.  I just know at the end of the day, I am so very lucky to have her in my life.  Without her, I may not have had one to share.

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I think I am going to take a day each week and spend some time talking about the people who are really important to me.  The ones that have had an impact, good or bad, and who have helped to make me who I am today.  There are so many people, that this will definitely have to be an ongoing project, but one I will happily do, because I want them to know how much they mean to me.  2014 – showing the appreciation.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Ode to Friends

  1. We should all have friends like that.

    My sister saw me through the worst times I had as a teen. She’s an amazing person who has always been there for me, even when I needed someone to tell me I was being an idiot.

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