Being human is hard.
Being a girl is hard.
Being a human girl sometimes is damned near impossible.
It’s been a crazy start of a week, up through today, and I shan’t go into the deets. I think I will just write here and see what happens.
I almost gave up, you know. I almost hid in a corner and just let it all wash over me until I couldn’t stand anymore. Luckily, it isn’t my style. So I stood up and decided that I would face it, and deal with it, maybe cry sometimes, and smile others. I decided I was choosing not to give up, but to be a human girl.
I spoke earlier about how you become vulnerable when you hand your heart to someone, that you are giving them the responsibility for caring for it. It just doesn’t fall under love in the attraction sense, but can also fall in the any sort of love sense, like friendships and parental, really anything. When we bring people into us, we are opening up parts of ourselves that maybe doesn’t get opened up too often. We may not think of the repercussions if someone doesn’t treat us gently, or even if we do, sometimes we just don’t care.
The truth is, sometimes people don’t treat us gently. Intentionally or not, sometimes our gift that we have given to people to hold and secure becomes left behind, smashed into pieces, or squeezed until it just doesn’t exist anymore. We all make mistakes, we may wrong others, we may forget them, or tell them things that we don’t mean.
The choices we make are do we pick up the remnants and try to piece it together and move on? Do we offer our broken selves to others, knowing that it can still happen again? How do we still trust in each other, or ourselves? We can’t help what happens sometimes, and not all stories have happy endings. In fact, looking back at our experiences, we may find that most do not have happy endings.
It’s with this that I say we have to all stand up and go on. We have to forgive people who hurt us, and ask forgiveness of those we hurt. Trust me, as much as we may scorn those that hurt us, if we look into our hearts (albeit maybe a bit worn and tired heart), we will find that we may not have been so gentle ourselves. We can’t forget how to open ourselves and let people in, with abandon, because to try and hide from being hurt we are just hurting ourselves. We have to accept that we will have those moments, and just hope that we will have enough good memories to have made it worth it.
Do what you need to do to get over your hurt. Watch movies, play video games, eat, don’t eat, go shopping, count your pennies, listen to sad songs, dance like crazy in the rain, sun, or even under the moon, check your email 50 times a day to see if there is contact, check your phones for messages until you just start doing it less and less. There is no time limit, but there is a time where you will be able to get up again and face it. I’ll be waiting, a little battle worn, but still full of hope.