I have been back home now for over a week and I hope you all forgive me for not posting. It’s certainly not for a lack of material; I had an amazing trip filled with amazing adventures and amazing people. Maybe one day soon I will be able to tell you all about it. I also had a wonderful welcome back session of D&D with the kids yesterday, which was also pretty awesome. It was really good to connect again and see everyone from the group.
I had a tarot card reading the other day; nothing formal like, just via email. I think they are interesting and while I am extremely logical, there is a piece of me that likes to believe there are strings being pulled from somewhere directing us along. One thing in particular that stuck out in my mind was that I was told the Tower card came out. I was told that my world as I knew it was about to come crumbling down. How right it was.
I know I write about many things, sometimes funny, sometimes serious, sometimes a mix. I will throw out the disclaimer that this will probably be more serious than funny, maybe a little sad. I will write about it because I made a promise to myself that I will use this space to write what I need to write, no matter what it is.
When you get married, you don’t plan the end. You never think of what could possibly happen in that regard. You imagine this forever future where things will be picturesque with a house, a fence, some kids, maybe a dog. You think of family vacations and long nights with discussions about the news. You picture old age and taking walks. You don’t think of sitting on your bed, discussing what went wrong. You don’t plan on talking about possible ways of co-parenting.
It’s been a long road, but looking back, it really wasn’t that long. It just feels longer when you feel most of it was travelled alone, which is what really was the beginning of the end. I don’t just think one person is to blame, because it is always two people responsible in relationships of any kind. There just comes a point where you realize that you have been dancing to the same song and doing the same steps for years, but they just don’t match.
The hardest part was the calmness of how it was approached. No fighting, no screaming, though that has never been what we do. We were much better at pretending and ignoring the situations; it was emotional, sure, but still calm. I told him I didn’t think he was a bad person, nor did I think I was a bad person, but sometimes people are bad together. There is no inspiration, just complacency.
I will be okay. He will be okay. The kids will be okay. We’ll weather through and do what needs to be done, no matter what it may be. I have my emergency supply pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs and coffee creamer to last me until next week. Life is indeed brutiful, friends. I will leave with the tarot reader’s words concerning the Tower card. She said, “I don’t think it’s always a bad card because sometimes things have to come down to rebuild it how it should be.”