I am going to borrow this blog title from FFAC, as I sent it to him as an email subject. I decided that I wanted to use it for a blog post title, so here we are.
I changed my hours at work to give me an extra day off during the week. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and it still is, but working from 9:30 AM – 8 PM 4 days a week can take it’s toll. Especially after very busy weekends, where Monday comes too fast and you are sitting there pretty early in the morning in your adult footy fox pajamas wondering where the weekend went. Load last save.
Any RPG gamer knows what I am talking about when I say that. It’s that moment that maybe you and your crew expired and you have the opportunity to do it again. Or maybe, just maybe, you made a really bad decision at some point that is wrecking havoc now. Load last save. It brings you right back to where you were before bad decisions, or life threatening battles. Hopefully even a little smarter (maybe – I have tried the same tactic multiple times thinking that somehow this time would end up different. It usually isn’t. You know what I am doing then? Load last save).
Sometimes I think life needs a load last save option.
I had a conversation with my girl K at some point this weekend, or it could have been this last week, about how sometimes we just blindly walk into the same traps. Sometimes we know something is so bad, yet, we are powerless to fight it because we make excuses. At some point we will make our choices, good or bad, and soldier on.
I remember when playing through Mass Effect 3 for the first time I made a huge mistake. Some wrong choices, skipping over a mission by accident and one of my most favorite characters died. It was heart wrenching for me. I wanted to do it, to stop the game and just go back to where I can choose differently, but I didn’t. I had made a choice, and I needed to stick with it. That’s what life is, making bad choices and remembering for your next play through, maybe you should stop trying to speed the dialog because you read faster then they speak. Maybe you should take your time and make sure you do all the missions, so you don’t end up in a situation where you lose someone important to you.
Art imitates life though, and occasionally there can be a load last save option. It doesn’t appear always when you want it to, and maybe that is just life telling you that loading everything you want to do over just isn’t a good idea. I was pretty proud of Girl 1 the other day. She had a falling out with someone over the summer that she cut off ties with. She had messaged me on Facebook Friday telling me she was reaching out to the person, and I questioned her judgment. I remember a little bit about the incident, and that this person really had bothered her.
Me: Do you think that’s a good idea?
Girl 1: Yeah, I’m sure it is, because I feel like hating her would be a waste, and that if I have to go through life dealing with people I would want to at least forgive the one that never gave up on trying to make things right. I didn’t want to be her friend, but I figured the past is the past and in life you have to have patience.
Me: Fair enough, that is pretty mature thinking. Protip though: Some people we just aren’t meant to get along with.
Girl 1: I understand that some people just can’t get along, and I respect that some people just don’t mix well. Kinda like chemicals. But I also realize that I left her out and I didn’t react nicely when she would tell me that I hurt her feelings. Now I realize that people have feelings, and not all of them do it just for attention, and that some people just need someone to talk to. I want to be the one that says, “Hey let’s catch up” instead of the one that sits here regretting not pressing send.
I was floored. I don’t see this level of thinking on some adults that I know, never mind a 14 year old girl. I was proud of her for not just saying, “I chose forgiveness” but also, “Some of the blame is my own.”
I also have experienced that fear of regretting not hitting the send button. I am learning how to try and not let fear dictate my actions, and it is a hard road. It is also an exciting road as well as an amazing road. I thought I was on it by myself, but as always, the horde of offspring continue to amaze me. Even when I think I am alone, they prove to be right there with me, sometimes behind, sometimes ahead, and sometimes right next to me holding my hand. I’ll do that for you as well, I promise.
Lesson for today, dearest friend, is that life does come equipped with a load last save option. Use it wisely.