Restocking My Bookcase or My Soul

Hello, Friend!  I am working, but soon to be on my lunch break and I wanted to come for a visit.  I don’t have any pictures today, just some words, so I hope you can hang with me for a bit.  I don’t think today’s story will be that uplifting, but I want to share any way.  Don’t judge me too harshly!

Let’s start off with the books and see if I can pull it all together.  You see, I used to have a lot of books.  I love books and most people can tell you that it isn’t often that I am without something I am currently reading.  I used to have a bunch of books, all over the place in fact.  My books can never usually have just one home because the cup runneth over so to speak.  Well, when I was in my last residence we had an incident which resulted in the worst thing a book lover would ever have to go through – throw out all the books.  It was heartbreaking, really.  I like to reread my books, they are almost like friends and to have to pile them all away and throw them out was one of the harder things I have had to do.  I managed to save a couple, but it was still a loss.

I have been bulking back up again when I can.  I like to go to The Book Barn, the most magical of all places, to get more books.  I feel at home there, peaceful almost, and it really is my most favorite of places.  Barns upon barns and buildings and shacks and carts of books.  Cats wandering around and quirky staff that I adore.  Oh and they have free coffee.  FREE COFFEE!  It helps my soul almost as much as a day at the ocean (and I may have to grab the bestie soon for both – since The Book Barn is pretty much at the ocean I can have a total soul cleansing day).

This has been a pretty testy week for me.  I don’t know if you know this about me, but I am pretty high stress.  Most things that people would just be mellow about, I tend to run around like someone who has had 14 cups of coffee chased by 5 Mountain Dews.  I can’t help it, it’s just who I am.  I am waiting for some news and I think I have placed things on hold depending on the outcome.  I thought I would have all the answers last week, but I didn’t, and here we are Wednesday of this week and still no answer.  I don’t deal well with this, and clearly I need to put patience high on my Christmas dream wish.

So, what does this all have to do with a book collection?  Let me tie it in for you!  On Monday, I started to get a little negative.  You know the phrase no news is good news?  I pretty much spun that around and made it seem like the apocalypse was coming.  I was moody and cranky, and looking to unleash it somewhere, anywhere.  I took it out on the wrong person (and anyone other than me would have been the wrong person).  I realized what I was doing and tried to stop it and even apologize, but somehow I made it a little worse.  I tried to push away and just close off.  My words hurt, I know because I was told that and that’s when it really came full circle.  What’s a girl to do when they know they are being an absolute pain and needs to get her head on straight?  That’s right, shop for books.  I also picked up Christmas gifts.  I love the mall during high stress times.

The point of this post is so I can be a little real, not just with you, but with myself.  I am not perfect.  I may be making a lot of life changes, crafting, focusing on what is really important, but I am still me.  I make mistakes.  I say bad things.  I sometimes snap at people who really don’t deserve it.  I place higher values on things, like job interviews, to a point where I start to feel like my future is dependent upon it.  I have too much pride, way too much.  If anything will ever stop me from moving forward, it is that.

I did learn though that forgiveness is one of the best things you can give someone.  I have been forgiven for my day of meanness.  It’s a beautiful thing to forgive and also to allow yourself to be forgiven.  We all fall sometimes.  Don’t have so much pride that you won’t allow yourself to be helped back up.  I love you, friends.

 

**UPDATE** I didn’t get the job.  I found out today, later on.  Sure, I am sad, but I will and can be okay.  I have the most wonderful people supporting me (even if I don’t always deserve it).  Thank you for being with me friends, and tomorrow we will get up and fight together.

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Would a wolverine stay in bed and cry?  Hell no!  A wolverine would get out there and attack some daylight!

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Restocking My Bookcase or My Soul

  1. The book barn we shall go, and then we will stare out at the water and allow it to carry away our sadness and fears.

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